Our mind is a bucket of feelings. I have tried to hush down myself thousands of times. And my anger would always outdo the feeling of being at peace. I have been the most peaceful kid over many years of my life. But as years passed, I became the angriest soul in my family.
I thought I had inherited this. However, getting annoyed is a natural feeling, but managing it is in our hands. Practicing peace can help us overcome anger and frustration.
No one had ever imagined that anger could be one of my reactions. She is sweet, polite, soft-spoken and respects everyone. It kept depositing inside and later the sweetness turned to bitterness. My words were harsh and my throat used to scream at the highest note, it can.
The kinds of people, I observed during all these years are,
• The peaceful souls which are rare to find.
• The ones frustrated but not furious.
• The ones who fume over on people they can count on fingers.
• The real angry birds who do not discriminate among anyone to flush their aggression.
The above are not mere bullet points but the stages of my anger from top to bottom. I am improving myself every day. Yet peace cannot be attained at once, as situations will keep impacting us. What we could do is practice peace and overcome anger by taking baby steps.
Reactions in Anger
I have behaved madly in the past. I fought with my friends on silly issues. I spoilt my relationships with people. I poured down my frustration on my siblings and what not.
Everyone has his own kind of reaction, a few of them are mentioned below.
- Breaking things
- Hurting himself/someone else
- Yelling and screaming
- Silent treatment to everyone
Crying is the most peaceful way of pouring out resentment; I guess. I did this many times.
In one of the videos of Sandeep Maheshwari, a motivational speaker, he discussed that anger is neither good nor bad. He described it as just another emotion. He explained that we just need to channelize it in right direction. Our actions speak louder than the words.
However, this may stand contradictory to the title. As the title says How to stop being angry. While in this paragraph I discussed there is nothing wrong in being angry.
I would explain it like this.
Anger for a proper reason isn’t bad, but the reaction is. For instance, we as a society are upset because of increasing rape cases. But instead of violently protesting, we can ensure safety by bringing awareness, explaining the prevention measures, helping police in whatever way we could and supporting the victims mentally and emotionally.
Consequences of Anger
I have heard from a few people that angry beings are pure at heart. Is it so? Well, is it necessary to lash out at someone in fury? (Though I do this sometimes when I get out of control, but it’s certainly not good)
There was a time when my suppressed rage was finding its way out. I used to lose temper so easily that I had to cut off myself socially to prevent others from my harsh behavior. In fact I spoilt relationships and friendships so much that I was afraid of making new friends.
A few consequences of anger are mentioned below.
• Losing relationships.
• Negatively impacting our health.
• Attracting addictions like smoking, drinking, etc.
• Hurting yourself mentally and emotionally.
As we now know, how anger may harm us, let’s discuss how we can overcome it.
Tips on how to stop being angry
Anger as I discussed earlier is just another emotion. When we say how to stop being angry, it actually means how to control our reactions.
Here are certain tips which I follow as part of self-anger management.
Yoga is a pill to many problems. It improves and maintains our health, treats anxiety and depression, helps you in building up peace and deals with your violent behaviour.
Various pranayams (Anolom-Vilom, Om-Ucharan, Nadishodhan, etc.) help to improve metabolism of the brain. It works both ways. It organises your thoughts to keep you healthy and keeps you healthy to organise thoughts in a suitable way.
This is the easiest way to avoid an immediate reaction. If you are irritated, instead of acting, just stop for a few minutes. Take deep breathes. Think and then speak.
Your mind will be cooler and you will win not against somebody, but against yourself. It will give you time to ponder things and make your actions modest.
The anger and stress hormones make us dehydrated. Water is necessary for a smooth function of the brain resulting in relaxation.
So next time you face this, sip in water and let your feelings float inside.
I’ve followed this in many cases. Especially for those who are not an element of my concern. I hate free advices from a non-concerned zone. There are other things to mull over, so I smile to their advices and let it go
Anger increases our heart rate and smile decreases it. Even our smile can make others melt. Try it.
Just Let Go
At times we stick to something and mourn over it unnecessarily. Getting mad is an obvious event, but letting the event impact us is avoidable.
Everything is in mind. If we are wrathful, it’s because we are generating such thoughts in mind. The moment we start thinking of peace, we will be able to calm ourselves. We just need to invigorate pleasant thoughts.
Imagine your colourful thoughts as butterflies. And let them wander around freely.
Inhale peace, exhale agitation.
Cry It Out
It’s good to cry sometimes. Crying is considered as a sign of weakness, especially by men. I feel, crying is the best way to let your emotions flow.
I do this often. Once I am done, I feel I am relieved from the burden in my head.
This way, you are neither rude to someone, nor do you hold on to the situation. Instead you move on.
Learn to Say Sorry
When we respond in a manner, we are not supposed to, we may upset someone. Make it up by apologising for your impoliteness. This is a kind of cure and not prevention. It’s pleasant way to patch up.
Think what matters you the most, your action or the person.
How to face Others’ Rage
I can’t take words rudely and the same should be taken care of from my end too. But then even if someone acts in infuriation, I must learn to respond in a way that he understands his mistake and his rage doesn’t multiply.
Some people never change, they never even try to improve. They just have a job of annoying others. Such persons can irritate you once, twice, thrice but should not become a menace to your peace.
Let us think it this way. You know your efforts are going to waste in making them understand the issues. The best way is to detach. And if it is not possible, become ignorant. Wish them peace in your subconscious mind. I learnt this from the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.
In long term, we need to learn. However, in immediate situations, it’s all about matter of time. Do anything that gives you time to retort in such a situation. The more minutes you invest in understanding, the more apt will be your actions.
Honestly, I am still a person who gets annoyed easily. But the tips I mentioned above have benefitted me. I am still learning to make myself composed. So I thought of sharing it. Hope this helps.
Have a look on my other works too and also share ways with which you calm down yourself in the comment section below.